My family is of German descent and married into English Royalty in 1552.
It was there I was hatched into a beastly household which knew only of wickedness and deceit.
I witnessed beheadings, impalings, quarterings, the plucking of bowels and the like. I believe it left a burdensome
impression on me for my small mind associated all of this with outrage and disdain...even up until my death! I had not
yet been convinced that EVIL could bring me such peace of mind and serenity.
When I grew to womanhood, I was betrothed to a drunk and philanderer. Baah! I had lived a righteous life,
you know, and he among others, became an abominable thorn in my side. Even as I lay in my coffin, my ungrateful children
toasted my demise. But somehow, I realized I was not quite dead. I could feel myself weeping ever-so-softly and the word
REVENGE took over my once wholesome and gentle mind. Then suddenly, one ominous SHOCK OF EVIL soothed me to my very core.
I simply opened the lid to my coffin and crawled out. I WAS BORN AGAIN!
My first charge of business was to kill my own children. Rotten savages! They wanted my land, you know. Second, my husband.
I caught him buggering his servant boy and off went both of their heads. THWACK! THWACK! It was peculiar how these murders
gave me a release I had never felt in all the days of my repugnantly righteous life. With each Evil act, I became more robust
and powerful. Was I alive? Was I dead? Was I the un-dead?
I began to brutalize and loot those around me. With each grotesque and wonderful act, it was as if the Power of Evil breathed
Life into me! But, I was most careful to hide my atrocities amongst the shadows. I did not wish to receive the fury of Queen
Elizabeth I, you know. I heard she could become quite a bitch and would most likely have my hand hacked off or some such nonsense.
After the Queen died...and the King after her...and the King after him...I found I had not aged in the least.
Had I obtained the gift of Eternal Life through the Power of Evil? I became a nomad, producing villainous acts as
I traveled about Europe. I was most lonely as generation after generation died off. I took to collecting animal companions,
the only form of life I refused to destroy. Regrettably, I would somehow accidentally end up sitting on or squashing each pitiful
beast to death.
It was around the 1700s when I entered the city of Paris, France.
Deeply alone, I noticed a very Evil lady who spied for both sides of the Revolution and sexually defiled every man in sight.
Yes, she would be my new friend. A new companion I could not squash with my ass or underfoot. She would be my new EVIL SISTER!
When I finally met Mademoiselle Francine at the Palace of Versailles, I offered her the Gift
of Eternal Life to live as I lived. She inquired how this could be done. I remembered a fairy tale
in which two princesses exchanged blood in Sisterhood before they hacked off the head of a hobgoblin...and they lived forever!
Would it work? The two of us pricked fingers and formed our own Sisterhood devoted to Evil. And, I was correct.
We lived...and lived...and lived...BWAH HA HA HA!
OTHER NAMES: The Bitch, The Bully, The Red-Haired Monster Who Bosses Everyone Around.
CLAIM TO FAME: I ate Shakespeare's skull!
SOMETHING AMUSING: Tormenting an innocent prisoner during a public execution is quite a hearty way to spend an afternoon. I enjoy throwing fish bones at them.
SOMETHING YOU HATE: Modern inventions! Must I say more? Baah! These contraptions they call telephones create loud shrill noises which are most uncomfortable to my ears. And, the idea of actually speaking to a disembodied voice is sheer horror. And, what on God's flat Earth is this thing called "Electricity?" One cannot see it or hear it. I still believe it is only a legend.
FAVORITE PASTIMES: Roasting small children.
WHO WOULD YOU FIGHT IN A BOXING MATCH: I should like to box or wrestle Queen Elizabeth I. She is a mighty one, but I know I could beat her. I never do play fair.
IDEAL MAN: I fancy a gentleman who is a poet, or most musically skilled in the lute or harpsichord. I am not amused by a man who performs magical trickery or conjuring, for he would be a liar and should be beaten to death with smooth shiny stones plucked out from the river! OH GOD, HELP HIM!
ODD HABITS: Odd habits, you say? Fucking bastard! Blasphemer! I possess no odd habits...though I do love to sip ale from an old German stein that has been passed down from my ancestors. It has the antler of a deer in place of its handle. It is great fun to hold and I believe all drink tastes better from this stein.
FAVORITE GAME: Mahjong!
PET PEEVES: Everything and Everyone.
FAVORITE FOOD: Spotted Dick...and stop your snickering! It is a favorite treat among my English kinfolk.
WHY CHOOSE ETERNAL LIFE: It is Power. I will not be sent back to the grave!
I am the Queen of all Evil and I will someday battle the Devil himself for his crown. And when I do, all Hell will break loose!
