My Evil Sisters

Evil Sisters Gossip!

Get the FILTHY DIRT on what the Evil Sisters think of each other. And, don't tell any of the ladies what the other Sisters said of them...or there could be dire consequences!

Grizelda's Gossip...

I do not consider what I am about to reveal gossip, but absolute facts. I am right about everything! Always! Always! Always!

		On Frenchy: Yes, Mademoiselle Francine. She is the second in command of our Evil Empire. I, of course, being the first...and most powerful...and most skilled, though Francine's astonishing sexual prowess is much to be admired. She is my best and oldest friend. Reluctantly, I must tell you, I do fear Francine is creating a closer bond with Minnie than myself and I will be forced to put an end to it. Those two have developed this thing they call "fun" which I do not and cannot remotely comprehend. Why can't I be fun too? Psst. I must also tell you that some evenings, I have snuck into Francine's bedchamber when she was asleep and tried on her fluffy grand white wig. I have also formed animal-shaped shadows upon her sleeping face. She does not know.
		On Violet: What this Southern Belle does not perceive is that I am watching her very closely. I have heard her speak in secrecy of Righteousness and Kindness...as if she possessed either of these abhorrent qualities. Bwah ha ha! I am not quite certain if she is planning to escape our Evil Sisterhood. I will have to crush her. She cannot break the chain of our alliance or I have strong belief that we will all perish and be sent into the wanting mouth of Hell. I am the Founder! I am the Evil Queen! I am the Puppet Master! Only I can end the lives of any of the Sisters without penalty. I am not certain, but this is what I believe.
		Violet is of vital amusement though. I often send Francine and Minnie out on quests to play trickery upon this temperamental and frail Southern Belle. She falls into fits of hysteria and madness every time. It really is a jolly pleasure to watch. Righteousness...Kindness...Rubbish! Ruuubbiiiish!
		On Adeline: Now, Adeline can cut up bodies with such precision and speed that one can hardly hear her victims scream. It is a thrill to witness. These foolish modern mortals have outlawed good old-fashioned amusements such as quartering or hanging by the neck. The bone snapping sound is my favorite. Adeline brings back the comfort of the good old days. She is a strange creature though. I find her speaking to herself often. Is she attempting to entertain herself? Is she lonely? When I am lonely, I speak to my animal companions but she speaks to no one that is there. And, she does not believe that I have eaten Shakespeare's skull which angers me to the fullest and agitates my system to no end! I DID eat his skull, you know. Perhaps I should torture her next time she shows me her face of disbelief.
		On Minnie: Minnie is an excellent thief and a silly silly mischief-maker. Have I told you that she is attempting to teach me how to tell a joke? I do understand riddles and puns, but a joke is much more burdensome to comprehend. I do have an irritation with her constant drunkenness though. It makes her lazy which is a repugnant influence on Francine. And, in her abysmal states of inebriation, she cannot keep her tiles in order when she plays mahjong. There is simply no competition in playing her. That boils my blood and makes me very very angry! And, she cannot speak proper English. "Ain't" is not a word. Queen Elizabeth I would be furious with her senseless chatter as I am furious with her senseless chatter. And, another thing! Her friendship with Francine is too close. Francine is my best friend. They have often gone out to inns and alehouses, (those two call these places "bars"), and have left me home all alone. I weep bitterly but put a brave face on in front of them. I will have to bore a hole in Minnie's head or chop off her hand if this "going out" gets too severe.

Frenchy's Gossip...

Ooo la la! I love gossip! It eez so fun to laugh at zee misgivings of others that sometimes I pee myself when I should not!

		On Grizelda: I must beg secrecy of you when I speak of Grizelda because she eez so very mean. We have been friends for many years and have had many good times violating people wherever we go, but she can be such a boorish bore! Poo poo! I do not invite her when Minnie and I go out because as soon as zee party becomes most enticing, Grizelda will attempt to recite some stupid death scene from Shakespeare and ruin everything. She tries so hard...and I do pity her because she does not understand what eez fun. I say the word "fun" to her and all I see eez blank face. The game of Mahjong eez zee only type of fun she likes to have...and she cheats every time! I hate it! I want to win once. And, she eez so inappropriate with all of us Sisters. She has been known to grab boobies! When she eez lonely or sad, she locks herself in her room and we all believe she has sex with her dead animal collection. Now, I have sex with married men, virgin men and men of zee cloth. That eez good and most admirable...especially after I ruin their lives. Tee he he!
		On Violet: Violet eez my favorite to gossip and giggle about. She eez most fun to torment and her temper tantrums are a delight to witness. When I first met Violet during zee Civil War in zee American Colonies, we became very good friends. She admired me (how can she not?) as a big Sister and knew perfectly well that I was prettier and more special than she. But as years go by, we begin to disagree. Now, she believes she eez prettier and that is just not true! All she wants eez a husband (icky) and she eez jealous because I can steal away and defile any man she chooses...and I do! She gets so mad that she ends up killing the man. I do not understand why she would want one when one can have many! Do you? And, she eez stupid! I once told her that a pregnanat woman really has a tumor growing in her belly and zee stork eats zee tumor out and replaces it with a baby. She believed me! Stupid, stupid Violet! Everyone knows that a stork does not eat tumors. A smart and sophisticated stork would only eat éclairs or chocolate mousse. I am smarter, sexier and prettier than Violet. So there!
		On Adeline: I do not hate Adeline but I do not care for her company either. She talks to herself and makes crazy movements like a puppet. She eez good for us because she disposes of our victims and she takes care of Violet when that little fool becomes too unbearable. Minnie says Adeline eez from Mars...and I believe it eez true! No more to say about Adeline.
		On Minnie: Wee wee, Minnie eez my best friend in all zee World! I was so happy when we initiated her into our Evil Sisterhood. She eez so fun and so...how does she say..."street smart." Grizelda eez a little jealous of our friendship, but who cares? And when Minnie first lived with us, she told me that Violet eez a backstabber and a liar and that she says malicious things about me behind my back. Violet eez allowed to do Evil things, for that eez our business...BUT NOT TO ME! Minnie cares about me and never challenges zee clear fact that I am prettiest of all. Oh, and now that we live in the 2000's, Minnie and I love to watch TV. There are so many channels to choose from...and so many naughty ones. Wee wee, Minnie and I are what you call...eez it BFF?

Violet's Gossip...

Though I am a most modest and discrete young lady, I do not wish to have the tainted reputation of givin' into the temptation of gossip. But if you must know...

		On Grizelda: Why, Queenie is as old and stale as ten-day-old moldy bread! Of course, bread years move much quicker than people years but I have a feelin' you know exactly what I mean. She is a tyrant and as clumsy as a goose. At this point, I am becoming so tired of her...but, I must pretend to adore her and all that is Evil, because...shhh...I am plannin' to escape! Now dear friends, do not tell a soul...or I might have to MURDER YOU! Queen Grizelda will become so angry when she finds me missin'. I cannot wait to see the look on her face. Well, I do suppose I will not be able to see her look on account of me missin'...but I can just imagine it. She tells me that if I break the chain of our Evil Sisterhood by leaving, we will all die. I am not sure whether to believe her or not, but I am mighty sick of her and I am willin' to take that chance! Won't she be surprised when my future husband takes me away from the ghastly hold she has on me? Feedle dee doe, I just need to find me a husband first.
		On Frenchy: Wanton harlot! Strumpet! Trollop! Miss Piggy Wiggy Big White Wig believes she can sleep with any man she chooses...and she always seems to choose my future husbands! Why, how can those dirty male whores pick Miss Frenchy, the tainted harlot of Sodom and Gomorrah, over the beauty of my romantic purity and my proper modesty? What horrid horrid taste they possess. I have no choice but to kill them. She will do anythin' to put me in a melancholy state. Whatever she has between her legs must be put to an end this very instant! We used to be quite close, you know. Though I do despise Grizelda, I would murder Miss Frenchy in a heartbeat! She is smug and haughty and she believes herself to be prettier than me! With my golden locks and red apple cheeks, I am truly a livin' doll.
		On Adeline: Why, I do love my dear sweet Miss Adeline. She was born in the same century I was so it is easy for us to understand each other. In fact, she is writing this all down for me right now considerin' I cannot read or write. Why would any bona fide Southern Belle want to? Miss Adeline, I do hope all your spellin' is correct. Anyway, my dear Miss Adeline nurses me back to health when I go into fits of hysteria and she reads me bedtime stories every night. My favorite book is called How to Marry a Rich Man Who Owns a Plantation in the South. The story is quite informative and entertaining. It gives me such hope. I do know the other Sisters believe Miss Adeline is a bit odd (sorry Adeline) but she is the only Sister who truly cares for me. She is the only one I can tell all my secrets to...and I do have many, dear friends.
		On Minnie: Now, this is a girl who is lackin' any of the fine qualities of good breedin'. You knew Miss Minnie was an orphan, didn't you? Obviously, nobody loved her. I always felt she held a grudge on me even from the very beginnin'. What did I do to her? She is so gauche and uncouth, and anytime I might've corrected her in the past, I was only tryin' to teach her how to act as a proper lady in high-society. Do you know she burps at the dinner table? And, she wears her skirts so short, you can even see her knees! What a monster! That damn Flapper has turned Miss Frenchy against me and has created turmoil between all of us Sisters. We used to be very happy commitin' crimes together until her. I want her dead or I want her out! Period...or that period with the tall line over it. I forget what it is called.

Adeline's Gossip...

Oooo, gossip! I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't. No. No, I should. I will only gossip this once. Well...maybe I'll gossip again someday but that's to be decided in the near or distant future.

		On Grizelda: Okay, Grizelda is crazy and bossy and really mean. She is afraid of science and new inventions. How is that possible? Science IS the future, and at this very moment, we are living in the future. Oops, the future's gone with that last second. Now it's the new future. See how that works? Griz is afraid of telephones and television and she used to be afraid of telegrams when it was common for people to use those...all things with "tele" on the front of them. And electricity...she thinks electricity is either not real or it can stop your heart. Yeah, right. Like Grizelda even has a heart to stop! Her heart is a dirty grimy black chunk of coal...but a really little tiny chunk...about the size of a pea...and really misshapen like a booger. Grizelda often lies to me and repeats the same boring stories about how she ate Shakespeare's skull. Everyone knows you cannot eat Shakespeare's skull. The Kradonium Dendite will rot your teeth. She's so dumb and she's got a lot of problems, but I have to be nice to her or she'll kill me. I mean, really...kill me.
		On Frenchy: Frenchy is soooo useless! All she does is have sex and watch TV. And, she always watches the filthy Boom Boom Channel. I just don't consider her an Evil criminal like the rest of us. Well...hmmm...she does rape men, usually virgins...and she is a home-wrecker. Okay, I guess that constitutes her as Evil. And, she's really vain and stares at herself all day in the mirror when she isn't out raping or watching the Boom Boom Channel. Hmmm...vanity is one of the Seven Deadly Sins, so forget what I said about her being useless to us and not Evil, because she sucks dick as far as I'm concerned! And, I don't really know what "sucks dick" means but I know it's bad. God, I wish I had boobs like her.
		On Violet: Violet is my favorite friend out of all the Sisters. I care for her and I read her bedtime stories. She tell me all sorts or gossip, but I promise you, I do not gossip back. The only problem with Violet...well, there's a lot of problems. She's childish, she's prissy, she's not the brightest crayon in the box, and she screams at you one minute and expects you to love her the next. I hate that. I am her best friend but I just like to be alone and be my own best friend and she gets jealous of my friendship with myself. Oh, this is funny. One night, I heard all this moaning coming out of Violet's bedroom and she kept screeching about how she lusts after General Stonewall Jackson and how he's going to give her babies and stuff. So, I barged into her room and she was all alone with her hands between her legs. Then she told me she didn't know what she was doing and that a spectral ghost took over her body. Hmmm. I wonder what she was doing. I still can't figure it out.
		On Minnie: She is one drunk disorderly Flapper if I ever saw one! I have seen Minnie vomit so many times. She is sick to the core. All of us Evil Sisters got along fine until her. She as the last to join us, and let me tell you, she has made us a house divided...even when we're not living in a house! (Grizelda makes us move constantly so none of the authorities can track us down.) I thought Minnie and I woud get along because she's from the Age of Electricity and indoor toilets....and you know how much I love new inventions. She takes everything for granted. Minnie may be a good thief but one day Grizelda's going to figure out how much she and Frenchy giggle behind her back and Griz will crush them to death with an iron fist! Minnie's a pig! Wow, that felt so good to gossip. I think the next time I gossip will be sooner than later. I'm going to go dissect a hummingbird right now.

Minnie's Gossip...

Did someone say "gossip?" I love gossip. It's the next best thing to stealin', boozin' and smokin'...when I'm not too hammered ta light my cigarette. Sometimes, when I've drunk myself ta oblivion, it looks like I got two or even three ciggies hangin' outta my mouth. I never know which one ta light!

		On Grizelda: Grizzy? She's kinda a huge circus freak, but I don't wanna say nothin' too bad about her 'cause she migh kill me. But, I do gotta admire her moxie. The dame's got balls as big as cantaloupes. No, as big as watermelons! And, she's strong. She could screw your head off your neck like poppin' off the top on a pickle jar. If there's a fight between us Sisters, I gotta say, I like ta be on her side. What bothers me about her is she ain't much fun, (oh, she hates when I say "ain't"), and she kinda stinks. Peee-eeew! Don't tell her I said that. Ya see, Grizzy don't take too many baths 'cause she thinks she's gonna come down with the Black Plague. She wears these weird velvet dresses and sweats right through the arm pits. And, she's tall so those fuckin' pits are right in your face. But, it IS a hoot watchin' her choke people to death or scooping their eyes out with her long nails. Like I said, the dame's got balls.
		On Frenchy: Oh, she's my best friend! It was really weird for me when I got this Eternal Life thing from Griz and moved in with my Evil Sisters. But Frenchy made me feel right at home 'cause she loves to party as much as me. She's like a swell older Sister who can get ya into all the right joints 'cause she's so pretty. Frenchy don't look down on me 'cause of my drinkin' like the rest of 'em. And, she gives me the skinny about all the guys she fucks...and she fucks a lot of guys. She told me she once fucked Rudolph Valentino. What a hotsy-totsy sheik that fella is! Well, he was...but he's dead now. He croaked.
		On Violet: Dumb Broad. When they invented the term "Dumb Dora" they was talkin' about Violet. That Southern Belle thinks she's so grand and perfect but she ain't go nothin'! I never liked her from the beginnin'. Everything that comes outta her mouthy trap is "ME ME ME!" Fuck her! She's just a spoiled broad in a cupcake dress. Me and Frenchy love to screw with her. Ya see, Violet's big dream is ta get married. Oh God, I can hardly stop laughin'! I really think she's plannin' ta escape from us...and when Griz finds out, she's gonna be pissin' mad! So, every time Violet connives some new loser ta bring her to the altar and be her Prince Charmin,' Frenchy lures the poor cake-eater in and bangs him right in front of her. Violet goes crazy and kills the guy on the spot! God, I'm getting another belly laugh! She's just so damn funny!
		On Adeline: I think Ade's from Mars. She ain't so bad but the gal's kinda weird. She does all this science stuff like she's a regular Thomas Edison or somethin'. She don't have too much interest in guys or booze (burp) or goin' out...nothin' like that. She likes ta read whole books too. Hell, I can't even read a whole article in a magazine, never mind a book. There's gotta be somethin' screwy in your head if your that boring. What a flat tire. Me and Frenchy trash talk behind her back all the time, but Ade don't know a thing 'cause she's too interested in cuttin' up bodies for medical science or inventin' some new useless piece of shit. I think if that fuddy-duddy Victorian got drunk for once in her life, she could be a real party girl. Yeah, and probably not!