Wee wee! I was born in 1769 in Paris, France. My mother was one of zee King's favorite courtesans, Madame Foo Foo. My proper name eez Mademoiselle Francine, but my Evil Sisters call me Frenchy, except Grizelda, who can be such a bore and must always use proper names. Poo Poo on her. But, let us get back to me!
I was a most beautiful little girl, as you can well imagine. My mother taught me zee art of seduction starting at zee age of five. By six, I had boys as old as eight wrapped around my little pinky. When I grew to be a young lady, I could sachet in and out of zee Royal French Court, seducing any man in sight. All I had to do was fan my ample bosom and show off my sexy ankle and zee gentlemen would simply faint in their tracks. Ooo la la! I am so pretty, I cannot help myself. You are probably fainting right now as you read these words.
Anyway, when I would leave zee Royal Court and wander out into zee filthy streets of Paris, I found out a most curious thing. Sex was just and good with zee poor as with zee rich! So, I made up my mind that I would become most skilled and satisfied and have sex with everyone and everywhere. Wee Wee, it was so delightful to be me!
Then came that silly Revolution where they chopped off the heads of King Louis and Marie Antoinette and paraded them around on sticks. Why did the people hate Marie Antoinette? "Let them eat cake" is a good thing to say. I like cake... BUT I LIKE SEX ZEE MOST! That is when I became a spy for both sides. I could get any information out of any man with my beauty, charm and my powerful weapon between my legs!
But soon, I became bored because everyone was now dead or I had already had sex with them. That eez when I met Grizelda. She was as wicked as me... but not as pretty... and she still wore neck ruffs. So old-fashioned. I had nothing else to do, so we pricked fingers, exchanged blood, and became EVIL SISTERS. Eventually, we took a ship across zee Atlantic Ocean to the colonies and now I have lots of sex with Americans!
OTHER NAMES: The Husband Stealer, The De-Virginizer, The Home-Wrecker, The Lady With the White Wig on Her Head That Looks Like a Cat... or a Poodle
CRIMINAL SPECIALTY: Sex offender
FAVORITE THINGS TO SAY: Wee wee, Poo Poo, and Ooo la la! Sometimes when I am angry, I say Merde. That means shit.
FAVORITE GAME: Mahjong, but of course!
FAVORITE ACTIVITY: Sex and more sex. And now, since I am living in the future, I like television.
WOMAN YOU MOST ADMIRE: Me! Who else?
BEST MEN TO SEDUCE: Married men, virgins and any man of the cloth will do. I love to defile them!
FAVORITE BODY PART: How you say in modern slang... ah... dick?
MODERN CAREER YOU WOULD CHOOSE: Fashion model or porn star.
MOST IMPORTANT ACCESSORY: It eez my feathered fan. We French speak the language of seduction with a flicker of zee fan.
SPECIAL POWER: Once I defile a man, he will have the greatest orgasm of his life, yes, but he will not walk for a year... or perhaps, die. I cannot help myself. I am that good.
WHY CHOOSE GRIZELDA'S OFFER OF ETERNAL LIFE: Beauty and Lust. Wee wee. I cannot lose
my exquisite skin and my ample bosoms cannot fall to my waist. I do powder my wig so my hair
is always white, but that eez beside the point. Likewise, I cannot stop my lust. It eez a
game with me. It eez much better than mahjong or even television. I must win every man over
for all Eternity.
